It is an article online that came through my fb feed. It paints so clearly in a few simple words the absolute isolation of cancer treatment. Here it is: The article --Now for what I thought of it. As I was reading I thought--Yes, that is what it is like. But for me I had no ability to walk away--to use my savings and just go. I can't and don't want to walk away from being a wife and a mom. I don't want to walk away from my home and my family and my responsibilities because they are what kept me going in the dark of night. Mothers have no choice. They get up and make breakfast and lunch and dinner--they drive to school --they play and swim and laugh and go to movies and help with homework. And go to chemo. A part of me longed for a space with peace and quiet and my own thoughts only but it wouldn't have mattered as I still would have crossed over to that place where cancer survivors live. I reach out to move forward. I reach to my kids and go shop for a winter formal dress or a class color shirt and I feel better. I go to yoga and I go for a walk and I cook and I organize and I feel better. I listen to my child who needs me. I laugh with my husband late at night over something ridiculous. I am blessed as I have people who count on me.
Yesterday I spoke to a woman who said the most amazing thing to me. She told me that I had said something to her right after her diagnosis that created peace in her whole being and right at that moment --I had said she had the best team and that it would be okay-- and she just knew it would. She is clear and everything is shrinking or gone and the bone in her hip is regrowing--regrowing bone where cancer USED TO be. Because she did everything and she has great peace and she travels and enjoys life and creates beautiful things.
Ultimately the only person that is constant in your life is you. You are the one that is there for everything and the only one who goes through those doors to tests, surgeries and no matter how much your loved ones wish they could be supportive they can only reach so far, It is fabulous and importantnand necessary to have a support group. It is also important to be your own best friend and find what you need for peace and make it happen.
Montana June 2015 Yoga retreat