I went to yoga last Thursday morning--so excited like a little kid--I had been home from Montana for two days and this was my first class since --I was excited to be back in my regular class all revitalized and dedicated. I had no idea how dedicated I needed to be that morning. I got little sleep the night before--but still was there ready to go. And then My teacher read an amazing thing to class and if you are ready to weep go to the link and read. http://www.adviceformydaughter.com/journal/2015/6/2/a-letter-to-my-daughter-as-an-old-woman
Our oldest is 17 and feeling her oats, ready in some ways to be out and independent and in others still needs us --the younger sister is 13 and pushing boundaries in her own way. The 17 year old is finishing up her junior year so time will move swiftly and we only have a few more months( yes it is a year but really time flies these days) before she is out the door to college and the beginning of her own life separate from us.
So my teacher read this and I started to cry. Here I am lying on my back deepening my breath and weeping quietly. After class she actually told me that my being in class makes her feel better about the world. What a wonderful gift.
Anyway--as class went on we started doing a flow sequence that rose from Warrior T
wo and when I hit the pose the first time I felt like I had to really reach. As I went into it a second time I knew who I was reaching for. Charlie. Last week in Montana I became friends with a horse. Oddly enough I didn't feel a connection right away like some did. I slowly warmed up and he did too. I rode him after caring for him on two occasions, Brushing and talking and getting to know him. We took time. After I rode that afternoon, magic struck. I had my first ever Natural horsemanship class. Years ago I had watched the 17 year old work with a horse this way and she had a gift for it. I wondered if I would be able to do it at all.
Then I was there, with Charlie in the ring, no lead rope and he was galloping around the ring in one way and then in the other with my directing him with my eyes. Then we stopped and stood looking at each other and he walked toward me. Just like that, walked toward me until I was touching him and he was patiently waiting what was next. I turned and walked and just like that he followed at my shoulder. It was the most amazing thing.
So there I was in Warrior Two, my intention for the class had been set by me at the beginning --"Guidance" was what I asked for and opened myself to. I knew how to be a mother to a young child but how to mother this wonderful girl who is growing into herself. While it is sometimes painful and I know I cannot keep her from that pain --I need to know how to do what is next. Charlie then, was standing in that class room and every time I reached forward into that pose he was there just beyond my outstretched hand waiting for me. Patiently waiting for me to feel the guidance. I thought to myself," I will be her guide." That is what I choose to look at parenting as--being a guide to this world. The Gibran piece that follows was read at both our children's christenings. This is how I view my challenges of the last few years-- As a chance to guide my kids in how to survive anything from a bad grade to a rotten boyfriend to an illness that rocks you to your core.
It is not my life to live it is theirs.
by Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
I look forward to the next time I get to practice yoga and to seeing more pictures of this amazing horse who shared souls with me without me even realizing it in the beauty that is Montana.
Last Photo courtesy of Larry Stanley Photography
Others taken with my iphone by my herd at Cowgirls vs Cancer Big sky yoga retreats