I read an interesting post this morning that awakened all sorts of thoughts in me, written by Jason Garner I was inspired to write this post today. Thank you Jason! His post, Swimming with Sharks--
See the women in the picture? This was taken last March at the Pink Lotus Breast Center with (l to r) myself, Dr. Kristi Funk, Mary Ann Wasil and Kristina Cappetta. We banish fear. That's what we have in common. We banish fear. Dr. Funk saves lives everyday by performing life saving surgery but also by having the brilliant mind and the kind heart that helps women through a breast cancer diagnosis. Mary Ann started The Get In Touch Foundation, teaching people all over the world how to a proper self breast self exam and ministering to people diagnosed with cancer, helping them to see light and life. Kristina is Mary Ann's right arm and keeps many aspects of GIT running day to day, without her this amazing program would not be running as smoothly as it is. As for me, not sure if I have saved any lives yet, but I have taught the GIT program to over 450 girls and I continue to encourage all women I come in contact with to do their breast self exam.
A couple of things hit home in Jason's post. One was the idea that fear is what we are used to. As a species fear kept us alive and I think that as we grow and mature we learn what is to fear and what is not worth fearing. We also learn who we can count on when we are scared and who counts on us.
I had a conversation many years ago with a friend while walking up Park Avenue in NYC. It is such a vivid memory. This is a beautiful talented and artistic young woman who said to me, "I quit acting when I realized I was an adrenaline junkie." I said, "What do you mean?"
In a superfast voice she said, "I wanttheaudition, doIhavetheaudition nowIhavetheaudition whatdoI wearhowdoIdmyhair, whatchoicesdoImakewhichpicturedoItake, howwillIgetthere ohI'mgonnabelate who'sintheroomhereisme, howdidIdoIwonder how I did, do you think I got it, I hope I got it, did I get it." OMG!!! I thought that's me!
I thought about all the acting classes I took and how much energy it all took and the energy it gave me, and I thought how much I loved yoga class. I really love yoga class. I love the way I feel the peace in the room. I watch our daughters grow and one of them is super high energy all the time. And then I hear Mariska say to me, "I used to think I needed chaos around me to be an artist. Then I realized I didn't." Suffice it to say I think when she made that discovery her life and career really took off.
So I search for peace. I try to bring calm into my life and I have to admit I am not always good at it. Facebook pages only tell the good side. Maybe we should revolt and only post pictures of our messy desks and dirty dishes and crying children.
I had a time this weekend where I had a friend who was scared. I didn't handle all of it well, I was really supportive but then it got very late and I got tired and I wanted to sleep. I wish I had already read Jason's article because I would have thought about how I was actually scared for this person and I should have concentrated on how much love I have for them instead of how tired I was and how I wanted them to snap out of it. We are all on journeys and sometimes our crisis points are not at convenient times.
Final thoughts--Kris Carr Says "Fear is the Cancer." It is --it eats us alive if we let it. It will keep us hopping and jumping and jittery and there is no peace there.
My husband says loving someone is making them feel safe. I am talking about that if you love them you don't do things that make them doubt that. You show in your deed and action how much you care. You take yourself out of the picture and look at them and let them hold your hand or talk to you 'til 2 am. It's about getting off of your self and out of your own head and into the love you hold for that person and letting them see it. I love the idea that the way out of the fear is into love. And into creating the person someone can trust. And after you do that for someone else you are who you have always wanted to be.
There was fear at the beginning of my experience with cancer. Sure there was and sometimes there still is but when I feel that way I go help someone else or work on my book knowing that one day I will save a life. And by refusing to rest and bask and wallow in fear I know that I already did save a life, my own.