Yesterday I went for my twice yearly obgyn visit. I have been on the twice a year with ultrasound since my diagnosis. And yesterday, like last spring--things were different in there. So last spring it was mild but necessary to go have an interior look and biopsy. This time it was not so mild. Things were looking busy in the realm of my ovaries and uterus. So it seems that I am on my way to surgery instead of skiing. IT sucks---BIG TIME--my ski area is having the best opening snow in 30 years! so we will go in february---but I can feel the snow under my skiis, drifting onto my jacket and crunching under my feet. Just. Not. Yet.
I learned about a psychiatrist who works with cancer patients in dealing with PTSD. Because we don't get one trauma; we get one trauma and then another trauma and then another one. I think I am calling her next week. For me it is the smell, sound and feel of each medical center that sets me off. I mean, I don't have "events" but I have feelings, I have moments. I said to my husband as I was crying this morning, I am not saying why me…but why me again! Also I am pissed. I wanted to just go on with my life--things are going well. I am in the best shape of my life. I am healthy and strong. I am positive and now I get to go have a sleepover at a hospital with pain meds. Okay, maybe it's not so bad…the pain meds part and the not cooking breakfast for a day or two part. But I have better things to do! I really do.
My event is going along swimmingly. My book is progressing. My kids are happy and getting along pretty well for siblings. Everyone has friends and hobbies. I will find out early next week when the surgery will take place. And then it will be done and I don't have to worry about it. I will be done. And then the year can start with a grand new rebirth for me and mine.
Christmas will be good and I am looking forward to friends and family at my house over the days to come.
Merry Christmas everyone and remember to count your blessings. Mine certainly include my family, friends and my doctors who knew enough to watch closely enough so I don't have to get scary again. Always be proactive. You get no where sitting on your butt unless you are in a car.