Often I wonder why things happen. Is there a reason for everything? Is there a place for everything? I mean, after three and a half years I can't ask Why me. I never did and I won't start now. But I look around at the things that were present in my life and how certain things occurred at the time I was diagnosed. It's a good starting pint for the rest of my life. I was 45 my kids were in school and there was all this tension revolving around that. It was a tough time in that school's life and we were caught up in it. Since then I have fought and won in my own battle, my daughters have grown up and seen a world past their own and the bullies have gone away...for now. I guess that there will always be people who want to pick on those whom life has thrown a curve ball. I can't help thinking that right now tremendous change is happening and that my kids are making good choices. We are moving away from people who are negative as a family. That is positive. My kids are reaching out into the world to see what is available to them and finding a way to enter into that with positive people around them. It is a good change right now.
For the past two weeks I have been trying to plan a summer trip. I got all caught up in making decisions and worrying if they are the right ones. What if what if and that is a lousy way to plan a trip. I have given it up and I am planning with gusto today.
It seems that the part of me that is still dealing with fall out is the part of me that makes decisions. I sometimes have trouble making them.
I think it rests on the fact that so many of my decisions of the last few years have been HUGE decisions--life and death stuff. Now I am going to make the fun ones.