what I do while Christopher is out of town...

Basically--I do everything! But one of the things I did last night and today is watch some tv. Now if you know me you know that I am more likely to read a book but last night I watched the series Parenthood for the first time. One of my online cancer pals posted about it and I was curious to see how the series handled this very personal thing--having a character with breast cancer. This is a great lesson in "everyone's experience is different but it is all crap anyway."

I am very pleased with what I have seen. Especially when I looked at an episode from three weeks ago on hulu. Monica Potter is wonderful. She always has been but she is particularly wonderful in this. Of course for me I have had those moments myself and the writers seem to be on track(though I disapprove of not telling her daughter the truth so that she would go back to college).

There is a moment that rang particularly true for me.  First some history. I married a man--which means it is in his blood to fix things--he always has. He also is very good at asking me where my science of mind is when I get negative. He also likes to say don't get ahead of yourself and where are your feet. Because right here right now you are fine.

Then I got cancer. and I have to say that his overwhelming instinct was to just put his arms around me and let me experience whatever I was experiencing. I would look at him and say I'm scared or I'm sad or I'm mad and his reply would be "you're entitled" He had faith I would not stay in those states for long and I was so grateful that for one person I didn't have to be strong and brave 100% of the time. I needed those moments of letting go and just feeling his arms around me and knowing that if he could have taken it all away he would have.  He was and is brave and strong and he knows when to fix it and when to just hold me.

There is a moment in the episode, "Everything is not alright" where Kristine tells her husband she just needs to be allowed to feel scared. That he doesn't need to fix it all. He just needs to allow her feelings. I found myself grateful I didn't have to have that conversation with my husband or my mom both of whom saw the majority but not all of my true feelings.

Cancer is shit...it makes you scared, lonely, sad, distraught, and confused. It also makes you brave and faith full and optimistic. What other choice is there. I don't know Monica Potter.

But If I had the chance I would say--you are doing us all a favor. you are showing the world the truth of it and thank you for doing it so well.

I don't know if I will like the future of this story line but the beginning of it is very clear and well done.
I don't know if I will watch  more--kind of like watching a train wreck--painful and I can't stop looking!
We'll see. but it is honest to be sure.