It's all coming back to me now...

When I was in the tunnel I got used to the endless visits and poking and prodding. NOT! But it was easier than today. Kind of like the sleepless nights when you have a newborn and then the kid has a sleepless night when he is two and you wonder, " how did I function on no sleep?" Today I return to the oncologist for my four month check up. I have been here once in between but just for bloodwork for my surgery. This is the real check up. I was nervous today. My regular blood drawer left the practice so I was back to the lab but it was okay.never fun. I am again hearing stories about reoccurrences or scares and it is upsetting. I am getting my health in order, losing weight, feeling strong. But there will always be this. The visit to find out if I am still okay. I want less stress so I am going to do things that make me happy. I am letting go of fear and moving onto what's next. Summer vacation..this year it is shorter than last year but it is still here. If I can't get to Hawaii I will pretend by going to the beach and putting umbrellas in my green smoothies!