Signs

So on March 6 th I drove into town to see my obgyn and get the results of some tests we had done. I saw a huge pod of dolphins that day. Now off the coast near where I live sometimes you see 2-4. That day I saw about 12! And my news was good. Last week I went in to see my plastic surgeon in regards to my last surgery and saw 2 following my car down the coast for a moment.

There is a smell that only exists in Colorado on the old Shalako property, or so I thought. When we bought our house I smelled it. When I took walks when I was pregnant with the girls I would smell it sometimes. It is a green earthy sweet smell and I identify it with my dad. Over the years I have smelled that smell and just said , " hi dad." like he was there because it seems he is.

Yesterday walking with the girls I smelled it though we were no where near our house. So I knew he was here again. "hi, Dad."

Tonight at dinner, because I needed it, I had another sign. I had spent the day by the pool in a dress. Not wanting to get in a public pool 11 days prior to surgery, I felt bad not playing with my youngest and occasionally felt a little blue with the whole one expander one fairly flattened expander thing. I know it is almost over but really it is still hard to deal with sometimes. I am only human and still haven't quite had my vanity beaten out of me entirely.

So, tonight at the restaurant with my family and mother and brother, the waitress walks up with earrings on that read, "Fear Less." not as one word but as two. Now this is a great moment for me to see the words written separately ...just like a stage direction...fear LESS! Now those of you who know me also know Mariska Hargitay and I have been friends forever. The first piece of me and ro jewelry that raised money for her foundation is a charm that says, "fearlessness" on it. I have it and I wear it, a gift for her and a reminder. To fear less and to have fearlessness be my motto right now.

Christopher told me I have a God big enough for my problems. That my god wants this all to be done and for me to move ahead. I hold on to these thoughts. We need mantras because there are a thousand times a day I could, " go there." I choose not to and I choose to believe in my family, in myself, in my friends, in god, in mantras and in signs.