I keep wondering and then stopping myself from wondering

After all this time( 922 days from double mastectomy to my (hopeful) surgery date) what will it be like to feel -- well rounded again---really it came to mind. Today I went to the doctor for an allergy check up and he said how long have you been feeling badly? I said, "Since I heard the words, "you have cancer!" He allowed me that and we both laughed.

I can't imagine what it will be like once the swelling is gone and I am just walking around looking normal and wearing scarves and open sweaters because I want to and not to make me look normal.

I wonder and then I stop--don't want to jinx it. Just want to be past it finally.