One day I was frustrated--my kids were being...well...kids---sibling rivalry is alive and well in my house.
I shared this with a friend--mother of 3--2 girls and a boy--and a cancer, double mastectomy, chemo survivor...She said to me--(paraphrasing here) be grateful they are acting normal because at these ages normal is fighting each other, tormenting each other, giving attitude, etc. It is normal to wish for compassion and some modicum of understanding but if they were behaving that way toward you it would mean you had scared the hell out of them with regards to the seriousness of this disease...normal is good. Boy did I need to hear that!
I think normal is terrific. I don't want them scared I want them living fully. I don't want to think about the seriousness of all this and they are doing fabulously well. I hate that they have to be confronted periodically by limitations put on our family by this thing---every 21 days I have to get an iv drug...having surgery...saying no to parties to stay well for surgery...canceling trips because I have to be rested. Me loosing my patience because I am more tired than I ever pretended to be...Not as much as when I had mono and I can go all day but then I hit a wall and IT IS OVER!
So I will embrace the fights, spats, jockeying for position, teasing, rolling of the eyes, back talk, ignoring, messy rooms, open cupboards, chip wrappers on the counter...I will embrace but I will still punish, reward, remind, hassle, nag, correct,encourage according to our house rules. They need to be guided regardless but all the while I will smile under my skin because it means I did something right.
At the beginning I wanted this to be ok...something that happens and you deal with it and move on...I didn't want them to fear something that is treatable and so much a part of life.
1 in 2 men and 1 in 3 women will have cancer in their lifetime...But there is better treatment, better medicine, more knowledge, and better cures...better ways to live with it instead of dying from it...everything is better...But let's make it go away for good like small pox---which everyone used to get and many died from it.
go to Stand Up To Cancer - TUNE IN ON SEPTEMBER 10 to find out about this amazing group---100% of a donation goes to collaborative cancer research--that means the best minds are working together to end cancer not to make the most money from what they find---the focus is on working together to make it go away...
I will be watching on Friday the 10th from my bed in my recovery place for plastic surgery patients...will you join me?