So it is much easier to pray and meditate and visualize when your whole life is wrapped up in chemo...preparing for the day, recovering from the day etc...The minute it is over and you start to feel good and you know you don't have to feel that bad again you grab on to life and start running--at least I did. I realized today that the mere act of going going going --to soccer to market to acupuncture to errands needed to stop. I need to recoup and regroup and rededicate myself to my God and to my meditation and prayer and to my kids ---but really from sept 24 until the beginning of summer was such a rush and desperate grab to feel better and get healed for this and that that I forgot the most important things...how to keep calm and cool and make a life for myself and my family without panic. Boy have I learned my lesson...wanting that next surgery led me to panic and grab on to whatever! Now I am calmer and I realize that I am nothing good to anyone including myself without taking the time to calm down and sit..
I have a hammock that I need to spend time in tomorrow before it is way too hot---having a heat wave here in California...
I have hired a girl to design and build my veggie garden---that starts next week---
But in the meantime I will remember the truth about meditation--it starts here in this moment, right here right now and I don't need an hour if I can live truthfully and mindfully in this moment and this moment...it just takes one.