Last night I went to dinner with my mother and my youngest daughter. While at the restaurant waiting for a table I spotted an old acquaintance of mine. I knew this man from high school, about 30 years ago and we would run into each other from time to time around town. We would always chat for a minute or two or have lunch and then not see each other for another ten years. It has been about that long. So last night I did not go over and say hi. I wasn't really worried he would recognize me. At least not right off the bat. But I thought about going over and saying hi and then the inevitable "What's new?" Really awkward question---sort of. I mean it seems obvious what is new with me and then that keeps me from having a simple hello. Unless I just barrel on through with a hi and how are you and let the questions fall away and talk about what really is new. Like Teaching lit and creative writing, my oldest's reformed soccer team playing in their first tournament, my younger's passion for cooking and reading books. Those sorts of things and just don't mention the lack of hair and the bandage on my arm. I mean what do you do with those folks you run into who really don't need to know the finer details of my life. The hair makes it all public knowledge accessible by strangers and old school chums alike. But I won't wear a hat all the time and my coif makes it clear that I am strong and invincible don't you think?
I don't want pity. I run around with my kids and hope that no one pities them with their mom as I am living life and not in the darkest part of the tunnel anymore. We are fine. We are thriving. But what do people think? When they see me or us? Hopefully they just see the vibrancy of life pouring forth from all of us surrounding the world we live in. I am trying to be a good example to others to my kids and my family and my husband and even to myself. I reread this blog to remember that I am strong and how strong I was in the darkest hours. It helps me when I don't feel so strong and all that.
I know that a few months from now people will just think I have short spiky hair. Wonder if I will like that better? It doesn't matter because what is is what is and what will be will be then. For know I will just be right here and right now.