Last night was fun--I stayed up like an adult--until 9pm. It was a "just us" thanksgiving---Funny though I found myself wanting to hesitate at the door---Then I took S's hand in mine and we walked in. She looked at me and I said, "just hold my hand." She said, "Why?" I said, "Because sometimes you make me brave." My sweet kids who are so amazing---thankfully still treating me like mom---I find it easy to go places where no one knows--then there is no explanation and no talking about "IT" but then it is comforting to to talk and accept. This is a part of my life now. And I will have other things happen too. My children's successes. My teaching, my joy in my husband's music.
I feel good today and I think I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop--which is not a further diagnosis but the big moment of losing my hair. I mean once that is done there will be no more surprises. I have done a chemo. I have survived the days after. I don't know how I will feel about the hair. I will wear more makeup I think.
I try to imagine it. Then I will look like a chemo patient or some really edgy wild woman rocker. Maybe I need to rip a few t-shirts --wear some heavy chains fryes and a safety pin as an earring. The flowy robe thing would be another choice but I think it reminds me of walking through airports in the 1970's with the Krishna's handing out flowers.
What will it be? Okay --cat suits and the bald head==looking like a fierce Emma Peal with really sharp boots.
Black Friday it is ---do I need to shop for my new incarnation as a sleek bald woman--all 5'10" of me?